“Oh my God, she is such a BRIDEZILLA!”
Picture this. BRIDEZILLA, currently attacking the Mall shoe department, is wearing her “Team Bride” shirt and plastic tiara with a veil and surrounded by stacks of shoe boxes as she “attempts” to find the perfect Cinderella shoe. She can’t decide between ivory or cream (THEY’RE SO DIFFERENT!!!!) and she starts kicking over boxes, yelling at her mom that she’s never going to find the right shoes in time (even though she has 5 more months before the big day). She has a ceremonial crushing of a shoe box as she let’s out a roar and waves her plastic tiara with veil in the air. The poor shoe salesman, squatting behind the counter, has taken cover to protect himself from BRIDEZILLA. “She’s coming! She’s coming!! Save yourself!!” he whisper yells to his horrified co-worker. The co-worker’s eyes widen in fear and sprints for the exit!
LOL – I feel like I could expand on that story for a bit, but I think you get the point. Bridezillas can be SCARY. And we all know someone who is being a lil’ ‘zilla in their wedding planning.
Maybe she’s your good friend, a girl you Facebook stalk, your mom, uhhhh…you. Bridezillas come in different forms. For vendors out there, a truly terrifying bridezilla is scary. Bad reviews, word of mouth shaming, public flogging…who knows?? It’s bad not only for your business and reputation, but also for your confidence and sanity. So you have to ask yourself: When do you run for the hills screaming, and when do you realize that she is actually just a person who has the wedding planning bug?
So, speaking from experience, people called me a bridezilla. Personally, I did NOT think I was a bridezilla. I thought I was “organized.” Particular? Maybe, but I kinda had an idea of what I wanted. I had been dreaming of my wedding day since I was like 5, you know, so give me a break. And that’s my point. Weddings are STRESSFUL. They have high expectations. High pressure to make sure everything is perfect. It’s almost your yearly salary. And you should “technically” only get one. So you better get it right.
I think of all the people screaming “Bridezilla is coming, bridezilla is coming!!” What’s their deal?
It’s pretty easy to see how wedding vendors can become numb to the fabulousness of weddings because it’s business as usual. For them, it’s work. For you, it’s your Cinderella fairy tale. For your little friend over here who isn’t married yet, she doesn’t get it. And she won’t until she, herself, is engaged. (That is unless she has lots of bridesmaid experience.) It’s easy for her to overlook the pressures of the wedding planning process and not understand you. It’s hard for people to empathize unless they are going through it themselves. For the other bridesmaid who is already married and calling you a bridezilla, she is having a hard time remembering her own bridezilla tendencies. We all remember things to be less painful than they actually were…
My point here, is that no one is going through what you’re going through trying to put together YOUR day. And with this experience gap, people roll their eyes at your requests and think you are overreacting.
And that right there is a misunderstood bridezilla.
A bridezilla is, in fact, just a girl who really really cares about her wedding day. Now, does this turn into ridiculous behavior?? Sometimes. And is this ridiculous behavior called for? Not usually.
People handling “bridezillas” need to remember a couple things:
- Remember that this is stress talking. I call it the wedding bug because of the timing. Once I began planning, I turned semi-crazy. And as soon as I said “I do,” it was like a party. The best freakin’ party of my life. But something creeped into my body and took over my thoughts, words, and actions. Not saying I did anything crazy or crushed a box of shoes, but I did care a little too much about things that didn’t realllllllly matter in the long run.
- Do not just immediately say “No. Stop being a bridezilla.” Recognize where she is coming from. If she is worried about something in particular, find out the hidden root behind her request. And attack the root from there. Everything comes at a price, but she at least needs the option if she wants to move forward with that. Ie: 4 extra hours of wedding photography. Between you and me, I don’t think it’s super necessary longer than 8-10 hrs. But if they insist, then I will let them know my hourly rate and make sure that is understood on the front end. Make sense?
Now, for the alleged “bridezillas:”
- Just know that something WILL go wrong. (Or at least not as expected). Now, vendors – if or when shit hits the fan, the bride IS THE LAST PERSON TO KNOW. Don’t stress her out more than she needs to be if this is something fixable. Find the Maid of Honor or wedding planner, (preferably not the mother of the bride, if possible). This will prevent unnecessary DRAMA.
When my dad was shooting weddings, he used to tell all of his brides, “Your flowers may be late. Cake could be dry. Hair may turn out wrong. BUT, as long as you both say “I do” by the end of the day, then you did EXACTLY what you set out to do.
Brides, after you come to terms with things not going 100% perfectly, you will be a much happier lady. Shit happens. So go with the flow. Have a glass of champagne and text your man how much you love him. When he responds, you will be instantly calmed. Isn’t that why you’re marrying him??
- Get used to the idea of compromising. Compromising is NOT the same as settling. Get that out of your mind. The idea of compromise is necessary if you are not the one paying for your wedding. There is a happy medium for you, your parents, and your bridesmaids, oh – and of course your Prince Charming. It is your job to find it! Learning to compromise now can only help in the future when words like “man cave” are dropped. 😉
Remember, this is one day. It’s going to be awesome no matter what, but it’s not the end of the world. That was hard for me to remember as I was planning. I know there was a lot of stress, especially when you start writing the checks.
What helped me survive the wedding bug?
And wine. Wine helps too.